21 Steps to becoming legendary

No eye contact or talking while using the urinal. (No fucking exceptions)

No dating natural red heads. Unless they are the hot kind but that is 1 in a million (Lindsay Lohan?)

Never own a cat, they are for 35 year old single women who watch ‘Doctor Who’ work in a telecommunication centre and do speed dating because all their hot friends are married and have dogs. (Nobody likes a fat bitch)

Get a Dog, a medium-big one. Beagles are an exception. (dogs are good, enough said)

Wrestling is not straight. And I am talking like that WWF, WWE bullshit you see on TV It’s a bunch of guys in spandex jumping on each other for a belt and a purse.

Never wear ‘crocs’. No explanation required (unless you want to wear socks with them.)

Smoking a cigarette is not ok. Dying young is lame but cigars are more than ok, they look, smell and are cool. Smoking a cigarette is like being asked to get into a rusty van with “Candy” poorly written on the side of it. Whereas cigars are like being asked to go for a ride in a stretch hummer, you don’t turn that shit down.

Make fun of people. And when I say make fun of “People” I mean make fun of defenseless people or those close to you. Don’t make fun of police because they can kill you. Don’t make fun of your girlfriend/wife unless they really fail.. But why go out with a fail girl? And don’t just be like ‘Fuck you’ or ‘your gay’ wait for an opportunity to present itself and take the persons dignity and respect from those around him/her. (Besides it feels so good)

Some girls like to be treated like crap… this is a fact, but get to know them first or else you are just being an asshole. Additionally be funny while doing it so those around you don’t think you are just being an asshole. (Bitch get me a sandwich)

Video games are cool as long as it involves killing people, shaming your friends or its Wii-tennis. (P.S. Any COD game is manly)

Suits are cool, if you have one… get another. There is nothing un-awesome about looking sharp. Always wear a tie with it; always tuck your shirt in. And unless it’s a public holiday stick to blacks, grays and browns. Never have ‘comedy ties’ they are just lame and it just shows how unfunny you are and people will again think you are a douche. (Suit up!)

Chivalry isn’t dead. Opening doors for a date is always appreciated. Women eat up that shit. If your feeling real good about it stand up when your date goes to the toilet. Just try to not come off creepy. (Unknown fact, Chivalry was invented because women were too weak to open doors. True story)

DON’T be fake. If your not awesome don’t force it, not all of us were blessed you will just come off as a douche. (Unfortunately I cannot mention people I know but I could list at least 20 fake fucks)

Have interesting stories to tell if you have none then go make some. Go out drinking, usually awesome stuff follows.

DON’T hang out with people with ‘SMS’ that’s ‘Small Man Syndrome’. Like small dogs small men feel threatened by all the taller men around them. So they must compensate by being assholes. Additionally like small dogs they bark a lot, trying to prove that they are just as awesome as the other dogs. When clearly they are out of their league. Look out for the 4 clear signs.

Starting unnecessary fights all the time.
Working out heaps “usually upper body”.
Acts like they are better than everybody else.
At least 1.5 feet shorter than you.

If you are in school don’t dumb yourself down to hang out with dumber people. I know an incredibly smart guy who is now looking at the janitor career path because he thinks that high school is the pinnacle of your life.

Hit the gym; don’t get buff just get fit. Being fit is awesome.
Have an opinion on everything. And let people know what it is.

If you have red hair... don’t try dyeing it girls or guys. Because you will look like a douche. I can smell a red heads one hundred miles away even if they were to bury their heads in sand.

Never watch or enjoy home renovation shows. Watching them should be like sitting in a bathtub of broken glass and Tabasco sauce. If you don’t feel this way then you have no chance of reaching awesome-nirvana.

Listen to awesome music। What music is that you ask? Well if you’re awesome, it’s whatever music you listen to. It could be Taylor swift and if you’re awesome other people will like it as well.

Follow these simple steps and you will be one step closer to being legendary.