Im gonna pop a nut..: Scientology

Scientologists are not your usual breed of dumb fuck religious fanatics. What they follow makes absolutely no sense, like no sense. To give you the low down Scientologists believe in an evil lord 'xenu' having entrapped alien souls souls here on earth. Then 'Xenu' brain washed the souls and put them inside humans and non of our history ever happened. Sounds a bit elaborate for a story made by a fucking SCIENCE FICTION writer. Yes Elron Hubbard was a well know pedophile and Science-Fiction writer. Scientologists recently claimed JESUS was a pedophile.... i mean Jesus Christ... How the fuck do people gobble this bullshit soaked propaganda.

(Fig1: Dont fuck with Atheists)

WATCH: Trey Parker and Matt Stone absolute legends. Skip to like 1:40 for the South Park version.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7EEOMbBIO8

Allegedly he made a bet to one of his friend in a pub that he could create a religion that 1000 people would follow. I don't think he realized how fucking stupid people are because now millions of bloated Americans pulled their asses off their coaches with bits of reeces pieces falling off and hauled themselves to a Scientology center. They flock to these centers like a fat kid to the last muffin in the tuck shop, all eager to learn the non-existent secret truth about Scientology.

Retarderdly these fucking dipshits hand over more than half of their salaries to the 'Church' each year to learn more of their deluded teachings. Enough of this shit, the 'Church' only claimed to be a religion to get Tax exempt status. So pretty much they want to be a business. And yet people hand over all their lives and their money for the promise of more bullshit teachings. Unfortunately Scientologists offer 'Free personality tests' praying on the weak. People who are insecure or have empty lives will flock to anybody who claims to have the answers.

These poor people are giving away their money. They might aswell start gambling, at least then they have a chance of GETTING something from half their salary and back breaking work.

Scientology is a business and not a religion... any religion that charges for their teachings is not real religion in my books. Just another Indian Casino taking the money of dipshits, and if you are one of them reading this... then i find you medically fasanatings.. i just cannot understand giving away money for nothing.

P.S. FUCK YOU XENO and your fucking Spaceships that look like 747's

Giving Teachers Shit

Let's be honest most people will go through school with at least 1 teacher they hate for no reason or at least 1 teacher that deserves to be hated (Usually the biggest fattest bitch). Some teachers become teachers because they are holding on to the last remnants of their glory years and now they are a huge fat walking ball of annoyance that wants to ruin your life

(Fig 1: WTF is that frog going/coming from?)

Accidentally being hated by teachers:
Now i have accidentally created a situation where a teacher hates me completely incidentally. For my final year at school i got a new teacher for english, we'll call her Ms. "Dontcallmeamericanori'lfuckinglgutyou".

Now Ms :Dontcallmeamericanori'llfuckinggutyou" is a perfectly nice human being and a reasonable teacher. We had been discussing the play 'Educating Rita' in class and i was in Dick-head kind of mood.

"Dontcallmeamericanori'llfuckinggutyou"  turned to our tabled and asked

"The kind of love between Rita and Frank is an odd love, they are not in love romantically but how do they love each other?"

My first response was instinctively

"Well they do not really love each other its the kind of fake love you get between a Step mother and their child, they only love each other because they feel obliged to."

"Dontcallmeamericanori'llfuckinggutyou" then turns to me and says
"But.. I love my step children"

My first reaction was to laugh....

Ever since i do not think she has warmed to me.

Teachers who deserve to be hated:
Some people in this world crave power because they are douches. They have been in a submissive position so long all their life that any kind of power is like a pair of pants made of bacon to a starving dog. More often than not they are really fucking fat, and a bitchy women. Im not going to sugar coat it because they will just eat that as well. But these slop hounds of human beings decided to reign dominion over kids. And for some fucked reason people pay them for it (not well mind you.)
I had the biggest fattest fucking bitch in year 6 as my teacher. I would pray on the way to school everyday that the principle would come in and say;
"Guess what kids? Your teacher finally collapsed on her own giant ego!"
and we would all dance....
But it never happened. She was the kind of teacher it is ok to hate.

Teachers ASKING to be hated:
For this we'll call the teacher "Tango Cha Cha" or "Sugar cakes" as she is now know. I know what you are thinking and she isn't a day time stripper those are her dating names. Nobody had anything against this teacher when she came to my school, perfectly normal women (Crazy as hell). But one day some students (I do not know how?) found her on a dating website listed as "Tango Cha Cha" . This is ASKING to be hated. She just created her own reason to be hated upon.

P.S. Apparently she enjoys spooning and men 20 years older or younger than her... (score?)

For all you short fucks...

Napoleon complex - or short-ass-itis...

The Napoleon complex is named after the French Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. The idea is that Napoleon overcompensated for his short height by seeking power, war and conquest. Historians suggest that napoleon was 5’6 (1.68 m) tall.

It is also known as Short man syndrome, little man Syndrome and Small man syndrome or “SMS” my favorite.

(Fig1: Meni and his year 11 Formal Date?)

Everybody knows at least 1 man with SMS. Most of them are complete fuck heads. To spot a man with SMS look out for the 4 clear signs from my list. You can’t miss them in a person. Like the hairy mole on your date’s upper lip they will try ruin your livelihood.

1) Plenty of upper bodywork. Small men want to appear as big possible to compensate for their obvious in adequacy.

2 ) Becomes aggressive for no reason. Nothing compensates for short legs and a small dick like starting fights with bigger men. People with SMS will want to show off all the time by challenging authority. Often people will not waste their time and the SMS will come off as a dickhead. Of coarse the SMS will believe that they have done an awesome job and in their deluded fucking mind they will think they are awesome.

3) For absolutely no logical reason the person in question will believe that they are 100x better than every body else. Some people will be fooled and go along for the ride thinking they are superior. Others, smarter people will reject them. This leads to them becoming a threat and therefore the SMS in question acts like a total fucking douche towards them.

4) Obviously they are fucking noticeably shorter than everybody else around them.

Research:

The Wessex growth study is a community based longitudinal study conducted in the UK that monitored the psychological development of children from school to adulthood. The study concluded that the napoleon complex was a myth. But no hard evidence was ever produced and most physiologists still believe that the shorter people do become jealous faster, and become angry faster.

Professor Abrahan Buunk of the University of Groningen in the Netherlands found proof that small man syndrome exists. The professor found that men under 5’4” (1.62 meters) were 50% more likely to show signs of jealousy then man who were 6’6”. Much research shows that there are many evolutionary advantages of being tall in attracting a mate and small men might be hot wired to be jealous.


 

So if you are short please try to be not to be an asshole.

Poker is awesome.

Poker is a very awesome game. It is one of the very few card/board games that its ok to play once over 12 years of age. At least 65,000,000 Americans regularly. The earliest known version of the game was texas holdem (Hold-em website) and it was played in Robstown, Texas, in the early 1900s. The game was brought to Las Vegas by a group of Texan gamblers and card players, including Doyle "Texas Dolly" Brunson, Crandell Addington, and Amarillo Slim. Who used the game to rake the populous of all their hard earned cash. The dumbass Americans didnt see what was coming and millions have been losing money playing this game, thinking they are good ever since. Legends.

Jack Strauss was an amazing poker player who went on to win the Las Vegas World Poker Championship with just ONE CHIP!! That’s a good investment. The chances of that happening have got to be 1 in a million.

Here are some poker odds।

Total number of possible poker hands in a 52-card deck: 2,598,960

Odds of making a royal flush: 649,740 to 1 (Naked victory lap time?)

Ace Ace versus King King preflop (heads up) .0041 in 22560 - 22559:1

21 Steps to becoming legendary

No eye contact or talking while using the urinal. (No fucking exceptions)

No dating natural red heads. Unless they are the hot kind but that is 1 in a million (Lindsay Lohan?)

Never own a cat, they are for 35 year old single women who watch ‘Doctor Who’ work in a telecommunication centre and do speed dating because all their hot friends are married and have dogs. (Nobody likes a fat bitch)

Get a Dog, a medium-big one. Beagles are an exception. (dogs are good, enough said)

Wrestling is not straight. And I am talking like that WWF, WWE bullshit you see on TV It’s a bunch of guys in spandex jumping on each other for a belt and a purse.

Never wear ‘crocs’. No explanation required (unless you want to wear socks with them.)

Smoking a cigarette is not ok. Dying young is lame but cigars are more than ok, they look, smell and are cool. Smoking a cigarette is like being asked to get into a rusty van with “Candy” poorly written on the side of it. Whereas cigars are like being asked to go for a ride in a stretch hummer, you don’t turn that shit down.

Make fun of people. And when I say make fun of “People” I mean make fun of defenseless people or those close to you. Don’t make fun of police because they can kill you. Don’t make fun of your girlfriend/wife unless they really fail.. But why go out with a fail girl? And don’t just be like ‘Fuck you’ or ‘your gay’ wait for an opportunity to present itself and take the persons dignity and respect from those around him/her. (Besides it feels so good)

Some girls like to be treated like crap… this is a fact, but get to know them first or else you are just being an asshole. Additionally be funny while doing it so those around you don’t think you are just being an asshole. (Bitch get me a sandwich)

Video games are cool as long as it involves killing people, shaming your friends or its Wii-tennis. (P.S. Any COD game is manly)

Suits are cool, if you have one… get another. There is nothing un-awesome about looking sharp. Always wear a tie with it; always tuck your shirt in. And unless it’s a public holiday stick to blacks, grays and browns. Never have ‘comedy ties’ they are just lame and it just shows how unfunny you are and people will again think you are a douche. (Suit up!)

Chivalry isn’t dead. Opening doors for a date is always appreciated. Women eat up that shit. If your feeling real good about it stand up when your date goes to the toilet. Just try to not come off creepy. (Unknown fact, Chivalry was invented because women were too weak to open doors. True story)

DON’T be fake. If your not awesome don’t force it, not all of us were blessed you will just come off as a douche. (Unfortunately I cannot mention people I know but I could list at least 20 fake fucks)

Have interesting stories to tell if you have none then go make some. Go out drinking, usually awesome stuff follows.

DON’T hang out with people with ‘SMS’ that’s ‘Small Man Syndrome’. Like small dogs small men feel threatened by all the taller men around them. So they must compensate by being assholes. Additionally like small dogs they bark a lot, trying to prove that they are just as awesome as the other dogs. When clearly they are out of their league. Look out for the 4 clear signs.

Starting unnecessary fights all the time.
Working out heaps “usually upper body”.
Acts like they are better than everybody else.
At least 1.5 feet shorter than you.

If you are in school don’t dumb yourself down to hang out with dumber people. I know an incredibly smart guy who is now looking at the janitor career path because he thinks that high school is the pinnacle of your life.

Hit the gym; don’t get buff just get fit. Being fit is awesome.
Have an opinion on everything. And let people know what it is.

If you have red hair... don’t try dyeing it girls or guys. Because you will look like a douche. I can smell a red heads one hundred miles away even if they were to bury their heads in sand.

Never watch or enjoy home renovation shows. Watching them should be like sitting in a bathtub of broken glass and Tabasco sauce. If you don’t feel this way then you have no chance of reaching awesome-nirvana.

Listen to awesome music। What music is that you ask? Well if you’re awesome, it’s whatever music you listen to. It could be Taylor swift and if you’re awesome other people will like it as well.

Follow these simple steps and you will be one step closer to being legendary.

Ninja's... With guitars

Ninja's with GUITARS?

To kick the website off i wanted to start with a picture of pure awesomeness. As ninja's are number 7 of awesome things on the planet and guitars are number 13 it is a match made in heaven.



My list of 100 most awesome things is a working progress as you can imagine there is a lot of awesome in the world and i intended to honor it with a proper list.

Bitch please! I'm a Ninja with a Guitar.